What does pulling a gun on a queue jumper, pepper spraying a crowd to get an Xbox and death by stampede have in common? They all happened on BLACK FRIDAY.
Hitting the high street on Friday? Here are our top 5 tips.
- Dress appropriately. Go for a boxy fit. Then fill that extra room with layers and layers of bubble wrap. You’ll be hot as fire (great cardio) but more importantly protected from body shots while wrestling over that 50” TV.
- Scan the competition. Think you need to avoid the dude with the big arms? Rookie mistake! Look for stressed out mothers. If they have a list and are wearing battered sneakers, they’re pros. Stay clear!
- The smell of success. Put the deodorant down. You’re going into battle. And you ideally want it to be a no-contact sport. Great fragrances will just attract more stressed out mothers. Go musky, and set your natural aroma free. For pro-level B.Fing, try chewing garlic.
- Trust no one. Avoid eye contact and conversation. It will just humanize your enemy and give rise to unwanted feelings like sympathy and self-respect. Trust me, that sweet lady who looks like your mum will fly kick you quicker than you can say “That’s my coffee machine!”
- Avoid all that insanity and get pre-sale access.
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